Editorial by John Ziegler

Similarities between Golf and Sex for Men

2/27/2000

(Not to be confused with the "Rules for Bedroom Golf")
-- You don't HAVE to be good at them to enjoy them, but it sure helps.
-- You find out more about someone after "playing" with them once then you could in years of just "casually" knowing them.
-- A longer man has an advantage over a shorter man and no man ever thinks that he is long enough.
-- You tend to get shorter as you get older.
-- Length is important, but can also be overrated.
-- Modern technology has made it much easier for those who aren't very good.
-- The better players have the stiffer shafts.
-- The object is to get it in the hole with as little effort as possible.
-- Men are always trying to figure out how they can score better.
-- It is very rare that anyone would admit to playing his absolute best.
-- A soft touch around the hole is helpful for scoring.
-- A lesser player who is confident will beat the better player who lacks confidence almost every time.
-- The more relaxed you are and the less your conscious mind is working the better (women sense this, Fred Couples is a sex symbol while Nick Faldo was said by his ex-girlfriend to be bad in bed).
-- As Kevin Costner said in "Tin Cup," the "well struck golf shot sends off a tuning fork in the loins."
-- Men who experience the muscle spasms called the "yips" when attempting a putt that, if made, would mean "success" are prone to premature ejaculation.
-- Men who are always worried about or exaggerating how far they hit the ball probably have small penises.
-- Men who are prone to getting the "shanks" (the inability to get the ball in the air which renders the player completely incapable of engaging in play) probably are also prone to bouts with impotence.
-- Fear of success and guilt are major mental obstacles that need to be overcome in order to play one's best.
-- Control over one's mind, body and emotions are critical to achieving maximum preformance.
-- One's measurement of success is dictated more by his expectations rather than some objective reality.
-- It is likely that a man will not play his best the first time he gains access to a new course, especially if it is a prestigious course that he has wanted to play for a long time or if he thinks that it might be the only time he gets to play that course.
-- The more beautiful the course the more excited the man is to play it and the more expensive it is to play.
-- Most men would prefer to play private courses than public courses, but private courses are usually much more expensive/high maintenance.
-- A man's status in society largely dictates the level of courses that he gets to play (unless he is well known as a great "player," in which case he may get temporary access to some of the better courses).
-- You never REALLY know how good a course is until you have played it.
-- Neither golf nor sex is ever REALLY "free."
-- A man tends to relax and play better after his first birdie/induced orgasm of the round/session.
-- Playing more than once in a day is always a treat but tends to happen a lot less as one gets older.
-- Trying too hard can be less effective than hardly trying at all.
-- Finding a woman who enjoys the game as much as he does, plays the game well and won't drive him nuts is almost impossible.
-- When sex is done a man may immediately turn his thoughts to golf, while as soon as golf is done he is probably thinking about sex.
-- Many men work their whole lives so that someday they can have all the time they want to do both, but when that time finally comes they are too old to be very good at either.

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